Commentary

Too many Floridians have gone all whiny — but not our intrepid governor!

Ron DeSantis shows Biden how it’s done: with ‘lethal dissing’

March 8, 2022 7:00 am

Students protesting on the 5th floor of the Florida Capitol Building. March 3, 2022. Credit: Danielle J. Brown

OCCUPIED TALLAHASSEE — Who says Ron DeSantis is a bully?

So he humiliated some Hillsborough high schoolers, demanding they remove the face diapers they were wearing, and calling the whole thing “ridiculous.”

So what?

Everybody knows masks don’t do anything to prevent the spread of COVID — everybody except the CDC, the Mayo Clinic, the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, and the National Academy of Sciences, and they’re just a bunch of libs.

Anyway, the governor was only engaging in a little horseplay, you know, like when your dad punches you in the head.

American teenagers need to toughen up.

Look at those badass 17-year-old Russians bombing the crap out of schools and hospitals in Kharkiv. Why can’t our kids suck it up and follow orders?

If young people can’t take a little character-building abuse, how are they going to handle it in 2025 when Ron DeSantis declares himself president-for-life, reinstates the draft, and we invade Canada?

Canada is not a real country.

As the governor said in his CPAC speech the other day, Canada, with its universal health care, its good manners, and its good-looking prime minister, is an authoritarian regime, up there with Communist China.

Too many Floridians have gone all whiny. I mean, did you get a load of those women bellyaching they won’t be able to kill that adorable embryo after 15 weeks?

Opponents of the new abortion bill say, “My body, my choice,” but as sponsor Rep. Erin Grall, R-Gilead, eloquently put it, those sluts need to think twice before they do the nasty. “There was a choice. The choice that a woman made — a woman and a man made — to engage in sexual activity. We never talk about that being the choice. And choices have consequences, and we all know what the consequence of that activity is.”

As for an exception for rape, well, what if a girl gets pregnant and decides to accuse some poor innocent guy of forcing himself on her?

Senate sponsor Kelli Stargel, R-1954, said she “fears for the men” — the real victims in our society — when unscrupulous Jezebels cry rape just so they can get that abortion.

Which brings us to the gays (and their ilk), constantly pushing their degenerate agenda on us.

Gays and their wokester comrades accuse the governor and the Legislature of bullying (again!) schools with the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill.

That’s crap. You can go around hollering “gay!” all you want. But don’t complain to Gov. DeSantis if you get beaten up in a parking lot.

A bunch of juvenile truants around the state walked out of class, and some even came up to the Capitol, swearing and hollering. “We’re going to be the next voters,” said one. “We’re kicking their asses out. We’re voting in people that actually care about human rights.”

I declare: Such language. That child’s mama needs to wash her mouth out with carbolic acid.

All the bill does is stop public education from mentioning abnormal sex and make schools report to parents if kids do weird things like call themselves “they” or if a boy tells a teacher they’re really a girl.

Wokester “doctors” say that what they call “gender dysphoria” gets hold of a kid by the age of seven.

But if the son and heir demands to wear a dress or whatever, the parents should hear about it so they can set the youngster straight.

Decent people support what the governor’s special blond spokeslady calls the “Anti-Grooming Bill,” and if you don’t, she says, “you are probably a groomer or at least you don’t denounce the grooming of 4-8 year old children.”

Everyone knows that homosexuality and pedophilia are the same thing.

This right here is why the governor and the Legislature have to fix our schools. Not only are a lot of the kids uppity, they’re being fed all this propaganda about how slavery was “bad” and America’s glorious expansion westward “killed” a lot of Indians.

Parents are better than these so-called “educators” at judging what their children should know.

Which is not much. It’s safer.

Of course, the libs fuss about it and accuse the governor and Republicans of more “bullying.”

One Dem Rep. named Fentrice Driskell called the “Individual Freedom” Act a “concerted effort to suppress stories of communities of color and not teach our history, which is everyone’s history.”

Oh contraire, madam. American history is Bunker Hill, Thomas Edison, and how we kicked butt in World War II. Teachers can mention, like, George Washington Carver and whatever that thing was he did with peanuts, and maybe Rosa Parks, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of learning about Ronald Reagan.

These libs misunderstand our governor. He’s not a bully. He just cares deeply about white, straight children. And white, straight Florida. Is that so bad?

He sticks up for our values — values like insulting our NATO allies.

Shortly after telling those clueless kids to take off their masks, he said that if Russian tanks rolled into Paris, “Would they do anything to put up a fight? Probably not.”

Yeah, Joe Biden sent arms and military equipment to Ukraine back in December, corked Russia’s banking system, froze Russian assets, banned Russian flights from U.S. airspace, and sanctioned a slew of oligarchs, but that’s no big deal.

Ron DeSantis shows Biden how it’s done, not fooling with javelin missiles and money, but sitting 5,000 miles away and taunting Vladimir Putin, calling him “an authoritarian gas station attendant.”

That’s some lethal dissing. Expect Vladimir Putin to crumble any day now.

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Diane Roberts
Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books, most recently Dream State, an historical memoir of her Florida family, and Tribal: College Football and the Secret Heart of America. She lives in Tallahassee, except for the times she runs off to Great Britain, desperate for a different government to satirize.

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