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Let us recall the (very bad) year that was in Florida
America is a hellscape of idiocy and grift and has been since the crazy SOB in the White House began his tenure by lying about the size of his inauguration crowd. Three years into the regime, it’s only gotten worse, especially here in Florida, a state run by enablers, bootlickers, and some possible unindicted co-conspirators. […]
Outrages on the soul of Florida: Ordinary folks and tourists kicked off the public’s sugary sand
Just in time for the celebration of our Savior’s birth, certain political Christians have taken to hurling stones from the ramparts of their glass castles. Enraged that Time magazine named 16-year-old climate crisis activist Greta Thunberg “Person of the Year” instead of him, Donald “two Corinthians walk into a strip club” Trump insulted her on […]
The whiney martyrdom of pale American males led by bellyacher-in-chief Donald Trump
White men! I know the world is a scary place, with people saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” and certain women – your AOCs, your Ilhan Omars, your Gabrielle Unions –refusing to recognize your God-given privilege, while Mexicans, Muslims, and black folk lurk on every street corner waiting to steal your six-figure job or […]
Florida’s leaders love our environment, but they love money more
Florida’s leaders must hate Florida. Oh, they claim to love the place, rhapsodizing on the beauty of our springs, our lakes, our rivers, our forests, our beaches, and our seas. They vow to save the Everglades, turn back red tide, tackle toxic green algae, protect our wildlife, and make sure our water stays clean. Except […]
Of course there’s a Florida angle to the Ukraine scandal – that’s how we roll
Last week, the feds arrested two “business associates” of Rudy Giuliani’s at Dulles International Airport. They had one-way tickets to Austria. Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman are now accused of violating federal campaign finance law by shoveling foreign money into America First, the big pro-Trump super-PAC. These two run businesses called Mafia Rave and Fraud […]
Guess what: FL Gov. Ron DeSantis isn’t exactly a ‘Teddy Roosevelt conservationist’
You may be under the impression that Gov. Ron DeSantis is some kind of environmentalist, the Not-Rick Scott who really cares about Florida’s lands and waters. Bless your heart. You probably believe angels lounge on clouds, cats have nine lives, and Donald Trump’s tan is natural. DeSantis touts his Red Tide Task Force to combat […]
Boys will be boys — get over it
OK, you try to make out with this girl, you keep telling her you want to jump her bones, and you show how much you care by busting into her University of Florida dorm room (because you’re a Resident Assistant!) and getting in her bed. Instead of taking it as a compliment, she rats on […]
The pistol strokers of the Gunshine State
Marion Hammer, gun lobbyist, worries about the children. What will happen if the voters of Florida pass a proposed constitutional amendment to ban assault rifles? I’ll tell you what’ll happen: the hearts of precious young ‘uns from Wewahitchka to Carnestown will break like the heel on a plastic Barbie stiletto. As the Hammer lamented, “How […]
Lawyer up, animals!
Remember back when some Americans thought Barack Obama was the antichrist, hell-bent on wrecking everything from the oil industry to Christmas? Good times! Compared to Trump, Obama was an amateur. The haystack-headed Current Occupant is much more convincing as a Destroyer of Worlds, as is his minion David Bernhardt, Secretary of the Interior, who was, […]
I don’t see any “white privilege,” do you?
Editor’s note: This is satire. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of all the haters. White people invented everything–Big Macs, sales tax, Spanx, malls, Lite beer, Taylor Swift, the NFL–every single dang thing that makes the US of A the greatest nation in the galaxy. You’re welcome. Now all of a sudden, we’re […]
Wait, you’re not going to drink that, are you? (Or swim in it or even touch it?)
The water is trying to kill you. The Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean, plus Florida’s rivers and springs and lakes and streams and sloughs and marshes and creeks and sinks, can be–and often are–deadly. Wait, you’re not going to drink that, are you? What comes out of Florida’s taps can be a bit […]
Cruelty, Inc.
You will have heard the news: on Monday, June 24th, Customs and Border officers removed a couple of hundred children from a filthy, overcrowded “detention center” on the Mexico border. Come Tuesday, June 25th, 127 of those same children were returned to that same detention center, a place called “inhumane” by lawyers who had seen […]