Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books, most recently Dream State, an historical memoir of her Florida family, and Tribal: College Football and the Secret Heart of America. She lives in Tallahassee, except for the times she runs off to Great Britain, desperate for a different government to satirize.

University of Florida

Listen, you U.F. brainiacs: Our Wise Governor will let you know what to think

By: - December 13, 2021

These professors are out of control. And Mr. Morteza “Mori” Hosseini, chair of the University of Florida Board of Trustees, is not happy, not happy at all. How dare a bunch of weirdo so-called “scholars” complain about being forbidden to testify against Our Wise Governor’s fine new election laws or teach a class with a […]


We’re Florida — we couldn’t get through the day without a helping of mendacity

By: - December 3, 2021

What is it with Florida and reality? We don’t believe in facts, don’t believe in science, don’t believe the evidence parked right in front of us by people who actually know what they’re talking about. This goes double for the people who run the state. Instead of trying to protect Floridians against COVID-19 by insisting […]


It’s our right as Americans to breathe open air without wearing some wussy libtard face diaper

By: - November 19, 2021

INFECTED TALLAHASSEE — Who the hell does Joe Biden think he is, trying to force people to get life-saving vaccines? It’s our right as Americans to breathe the open air without wearing some wussy libtard face diaper, just as it’s our right to die intubated in a hospital. It’s all about your freedom, baby. Gov. […]

University of Florida

DeSantis reveled in U.F.’s Top 5 status; now his minions threaten its academic freedom

By: - November 15, 2021

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to attend college in Florida. Higher education is under serious threat here. Y’all will recall that last session Gov. Ron DeSantis and his legislative minions jammed through a bunch of policies restricting the use of drop boxes, restricting voter registration drives, and making it harder for voters to […]


Learning is for commie-pinko wokesters and we don’t need any of it around here

By: - November 1, 2021

Ejucashun! Ain’t just for students and teachers any more. No, sir: We, the white, God-fearing, Trump-loving, Tucker-watching moms and dads of America are getting our own selves involved in the book-learning process, and if we have to crack a few heads and tweet out a few death threats, we will. It was bad enough when […]


Police in Florida: A few are not exactly ‘dedicated and open-minded’ public servants

By: - October 15, 2021

Florida Man is bad enough; now we have Florida Cop, an embarrassment to himself and the rest of us. When Mayor Francis Suarez hired former Houston police chief Art Acevedo to run Miami’s P.D., he proclaimed it was “like getting the Tom Brady or the Michael Jordan of police chiefs.” Except it was more like […]


Why are highly educated Republicans like Gov. DeSantis so anti-education?

By: - October 4, 2021

College is for pussies. Ron DeSantis, presidential candidate and part-time governor of Florida, celebrated the decline in the numbers of men entering higher education, citing a Wall Street Journal article that says 60 percent of college students are now women, while in 1970 the number was closer to 40 percent. “I guess there was a […]


Committee week in Florida’s Capitol: Welcome to the festival of ignorance

By: - September 24, 2021

Legislators came to town for the autumn ritual of political harlotry they call “committee week.” Tallahassee’s collective IQ dropped by a good 60 points. That’s bad, but what they propose doing to Florida is worse. Seems Sen. Joe Gruters, R-$ara$ota, who also is chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, was intimately involved with a […]


FL’s COVID craziness keeps getting deeper — how dare the government try to save lives?

By: - September 17, 2021

“Human kind,” said the poet, “cannot bear too much reality.” Many Republicans seem especially resistant, preferring to dwell in a miasma of Deep State conspiracies and Internet nonsense inspiring them to believe that Hillary Clinton drinks babies’ blood, Trump won the 2020 election, and that ingesting over-the-feed-store-counter tablets for deworming horses is a better way […]


Abortion foes play a dangerous game in encouraging vigilantes to snoop on neighbors

By: - September 7, 2021

Americans like to say we don’t leave Americans behind. We don’t abandon people to be oppressed and victimized by a bunch of gun-toting yahoo zealots who hate freedom and hate science and think they have a direct line to God. So, when do we start evacuating women and girls from Texas? Women and girls in […]


Hey, GOP: There’s a museum up in Montgomery y’all really ought to see

By: - August 23, 2021

MONTGOMERY — You walk out of the fierce summer sun into a shadowy forest of rectangular steel columns, row upon row of them, six or seven feet tall, covered in rust the color of dried blood. It takes a minute to adjust to the dim light. Then you begin to see the names inscribed on […]


Some GOP governors are finally getting a clue on COVID, but not ours

By: - August 6, 2021

Gold! Florida stands on the top tier of the coronavirus podium: 12,888 in the hospital as of Thursday. We’ve broken our own July 2020 record.  Florida now leads the nation in per capita hospitalizations. We’re Number One! Sure, Louisiana beats us in the sheer rate of COVID-19 infections in recent days, but on Thursday, we […]