Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo.


Dear Leaders: May we suggest some ways you can shape up during 2022?

By: - January 3, 2022

It’s been a year, people. Weird stuff. Bad stuff. Some good stuff. Now it’s time to turn the calendar to 2022 and make that alleged fresh start we’re always promising ourselves. So as a public service to our busy, busy, busy political figures, I present here Roberts’ Recommendations for New Year’s Resolutions. Read ’em and […]


Gov. DeSantis seems hellbent on taking us back to the ’60s — only it’s the 1860s

By: - December 27, 2021

And just like that, it’s 1861. Gov. Ron DeSantis likes to call this the “Free State of Florida.” If he hasn’t yet wrapped himself in the Tenth Amendment or threatened secession, it’s only because he’s been too busy playing soldiers, organizing his private battalion, rewriting the past, and trying to destroy democracy. Give him time. […]

University of Florida

Listen, you U.F. brainiacs: Our Wise Governor will let you know what to think

By: - December 13, 2021

These professors are out of control. And Mr. Morteza “Mori” Hosseini, chair of the University of Florida Board of Trustees, is not happy, not happy at all. How dare a bunch of weirdo so-called “scholars” complain about being forbidden to testify against Our Wise Governor’s fine new election laws or teach a class with a […]


We’re Florida — we couldn’t get through the day without a helping of mendacity

By: - December 3, 2021

What is it with Florida and reality? We don’t believe in facts, don’t believe in science, don’t believe the evidence parked right in front of us by people who actually know what they’re talking about. This goes double for the people who run the state. Instead of trying to protect Floridians against COVID-19 by insisting […]


It’s our right as Americans to breathe open air without wearing some wussy libtard face diaper

By: - November 19, 2021

INFECTED TALLAHASSEE — Who the hell does Joe Biden think he is, trying to force people to get life-saving vaccines? It’s our right as Americans to breathe the open air without wearing some wussy libtard face diaper, just as it’s our right to die intubated in a hospital. It’s all about your freedom, baby. Gov. […]

University of Florida

DeSantis reveled in U.F.’s Top 5 status; now his minions threaten its academic freedom

By: - November 15, 2021

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to attend college in Florida. Higher education is under serious threat here. Y’all will recall that last session Gov. Ron DeSantis and his legislative minions jammed through a bunch of policies restricting the use of drop boxes, restricting voter registration drives, and making it harder for voters to […]


Learning is for commie-pinko wokesters and we don’t need any of it around here

By: - November 1, 2021

Ejucashun! Ain’t just for students and teachers any more. No, sir: We, the white, God-fearing, Trump-loving, Tucker-watching moms and dads of America are getting our own selves involved in the book-learning process, and if we have to crack a few heads and tweet out a few death threats, we will. It was bad enough when […]


Police in Florida: A few are not exactly ‘dedicated and open-minded’ public servants

By: - October 15, 2021

Florida Man is bad enough; now we have Florida Cop, an embarrassment to himself and the rest of us. When Mayor Francis Suarez hired former Houston police chief Art Acevedo to run Miami’s P.D., he proclaimed it was “like getting the Tom Brady or the Michael Jordan of police chiefs.” Except it was more like […]


Why are highly educated Republicans like Gov. DeSantis so anti-education?

By: - October 4, 2021

College is for pussies. Ron DeSantis, presidential candidate and part-time governor of Florida, celebrated the decline in the numbers of men entering higher education, citing a Wall Street Journal article that says 60 percent of college students are now women, while in 1970 the number was closer to 40 percent. “I guess there was a […]


Committee week in Florida’s Capitol: Welcome to the festival of ignorance

By: - September 24, 2021

Legislators came to town for the autumn ritual of political harlotry they call “committee week.” Tallahassee’s collective IQ dropped by a good 60 points. That’s bad, but what they propose doing to Florida is worse. Seems Sen. Joe Gruters, R-$ara$ota, who also is chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, was intimately involved with a […]


FL’s COVID craziness keeps getting deeper — how dare the government try to save lives?

By: - September 17, 2021

“Human kind,” said the poet, “cannot bear too much reality.” Many Republicans seem especially resistant, preferring to dwell in a miasma of Deep State conspiracies and Internet nonsense inspiring them to believe that Hillary Clinton drinks babies’ blood, Trump won the 2020 election, and that ingesting over-the-feed-store-counter tablets for deworming horses is a better way […]


Abortion foes play a dangerous game in encouraging vigilantes to snoop on neighbors

By: - September 7, 2021

Americans like to say we don’t leave Americans behind. We don’t abandon people to be oppressed and victimized by a bunch of gun-toting yahoo zealots who hate freedom and hate science and think they have a direct line to God. So, when do we start evacuating women and girls from Texas? Women and girls in […]