Author

Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts

Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books, most recently Dream State, an historical memoir of her Florida family, and Tribal: College Football and the Secret Heart of America. She lives in Tallahassee, except for the times she runs off to Great Britain, desperate for a different government to satirize.

COMMENTARY

Let us recall the (very bad) year that was in Florida

By: - December 30, 2019

America is a hellscape of idiocy and grift and has been since the crazy SOB in the White House began his tenure by lying about the size of his inauguration crowd. Three years into the regime, it’s only gotten worse, especially here in Florida, a state run by enablers, bootlickers, and some possible unindicted co-conspirators. […]

COMMENTARY

Outrages on the soul of Florida: Ordinary folks and tourists kicked off the public’s sugary sand

By: - December 17, 2019

Just in time for the celebration of our Savior’s birth, certain political Christians have taken to hurling stones from the ramparts of their glass castles. Enraged that Time magazine named 16-year-old climate crisis activist Greta Thunberg “Person of the Year” instead of him, Donald “two Corinthians walk into a strip club” Trump insulted her on […]

COMMENTARY

The whiney martyrdom of pale American males led by bellyacher-in-chief Donald Trump

By: - December 5, 2019

White men! I know the world is a scary place, with people saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” and certain women – your AOCs, your Ilhan Omars, your Gabrielle Unions –refusing to recognize your God-given privilege, while Mexicans, Muslims, and black folk lurk on every street corner waiting to steal your six-figure job or […]

COMMENTARY

Florida’s leaders love our environment, but they love money more

By: - November 4, 2019

Florida’s leaders must hate Florida. Oh, they claim to love the place, rhapsodizing on the beauty of our springs, our lakes, our rivers, our forests, our beaches, and our seas. They vow to save the Everglades, turn back red tide, tackle toxic green algae, protect our wildlife, and make sure our water stays clean. Except […]

COMMENTARY

Of course there’s a Florida angle to the Ukraine scandal – that’s how we roll

By: - October 17, 2019

Last week, the feds arrested two “business associates” of Rudy Giuliani’s at Dulles International Airport. They had one-way tickets to Austria. Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman are now accused of violating federal campaign finance law by shoveling foreign money into America First, the big pro-Trump super-PAC. These two run businesses called Mafia Rave and Fraud […]

COMMENTARY
The Everglades

Guess what: FL Gov. Ron DeSantis isn’t exactly a ‘Teddy Roosevelt conservationist’

By: - October 8, 2019

You may be under the impression that Gov. Ron DeSantis is some kind of environmentalist, the Not-Rick Scott who really cares about Florida’s lands and waters. Bless your heart. You probably believe angels lounge on clouds, cats have nine lives, and Donald Trump’s tan is natural. DeSantis touts his Red Tide Task Force to combat […]

COMMENTARY

Boys will be boys — get over it

By: - September 23, 2019

OK, you try to make out with this girl, you keep telling her you want to jump her bones, and you show how much you care by busting into her University of Florida dorm room  (because you’re a Resident Assistant!) and getting in her bed. Instead of taking it as a compliment, she rats on […]

COMMENTARY

The pistol strokers of the Gunshine State

By: - September 3, 2019

Marion Hammer, gun lobbyist, worries about the children. What will happen if the voters of Florida pass a proposed constitutional amendment to ban assault rifles? I’ll tell you what’ll happen: the hearts of precious young ‘uns from Wewahitchka to Carnestown will break like the heel on a plastic Barbie stiletto. As the Hammer lamented, “How […]

COMMENTARY

Lawyer up, animals!

By: - August 19, 2019

Remember back when some Americans thought Barack Obama was the antichrist, hell-bent on wrecking everything from the oil industry to Christmas? Good times! Compared to Trump, Obama was an amateur. The haystack-headed Current Occupant is much more convincing as a Destroyer of Worlds, as is his minion David Bernhardt, Secretary of the Interior, who was, […]

COMMENTARY

I don’t see any “white privilege,” do you?

By: - July 26, 2019

Editor’s note: This is satire. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of all the haters. White people invented everything–Big Macs, sales tax, Spanx, malls, Lite beer, Taylor Swift, the NFL–every single dang thing that makes the US of A the greatest nation in the galaxy. You’re welcome. Now all of a sudden, we’re […]

COMMENTARY

Wait, you’re not going to drink that, are you? (Or swim in it or even touch it?)

By: - July 10, 2019

The water is trying to kill you. The Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean, plus Florida’s rivers and springs and lakes and streams and sloughs and marshes and creeks and sinks, can be–and often are–deadly. Wait, you’re not going to drink that, are you? What comes out of Florida’s taps can be a bit […]

COMMENTARY

Cruelty, Inc.

By: - June 28, 2019

You will have heard the news: on Monday, June 24th, Customs and Border officers removed a couple of hundred children from a filthy, overcrowded “detention center” on the Mexico border. Come Tuesday, June 25th, 127 of those same children were returned to that same detention center, a place called “inhumane” by lawyers who had seen […]