Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee, which probably explains her unhealthy fascination with Florida politics. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books, most recently Dream State, an historical memoir of her Florida family, and Tribal: College Football and the Secret Heart of America. She lives in Tallahassee, except for the times she runs off to Great Britain, desperate for a different government to satirize.
Who says American elected officials have to stay in America to do their jobs?
By: Diane Roberts - May 29, 2019
Why all the fuss about Gov. DeSantis, the Florida Cabinet, and 94 of his besties making a little pilgrimage to the Holy Land? When the Count of Toulouse set off for Jerusalem in 1096, he brought with him a dozen clerics, at least 40 nobles, and a few thousand French soldiers, plus his wife and […]
Stop! Just stop playing politics with Hurricane Michael victims
By: Diane Roberts - May 21, 2019
Ever been to Seaside, the “New Urbanist” community in Walton County? It’s gorgeous: front porches, picket fences, bike paths, glossy magnolia trees, and even glossier people. I spent a week there earlier this month and didn’t encounter a single florescent Redneck Riviera t–shirt or Spring Breaker bar smelling of spilled beer. Seaside is the perfect […]
Talk about a throwback. The Florida Legislature’s hellish time travels
By: Diane Roberts - May 7, 2019
Your legislators have left Tallahassee. But not before they voted Florida back to 1877. Old times not forgotten! Good times! Only God’s chosen were allowed to exercise the franchise, you could dump any damn thing into the rivers and the lakes, dredge and drain and build any damn thing you wanted on your property, and […]
Who needs trees? We want toll roads!
By: Diane Roberts - April 26, 2019
Trees! What have the bastards ever done for you? Trees just sit there sucking up that CO2 we manufacture for them with our Escalades and our F-150s, and how do they repay us? By dropping pollen on us all spring and falling over on purpose during football season, knocking out the TV right when you […]
Let us educators pack some decent heat!
By: Diane Roberts - April 10, 2019
Hell, yeah, teachers should be armed. It would totally cut down on the whining about next week’s trigonometry test. And that kid Dwight? Next time he mouths off, I’m going to pull the Glock 9mm out of my paperclip drawer and say, “Hey, Dwight: Why don’t you shut up and solve that quadratic equation? Make […]
God Hates a Berkeley
By: Diane Roberts - April 2, 2019
Florida, beware! Our colleges teeter on the brink of becoming like a certain institution in a certain deranged state on the Leftist Coast where they openly embrace Hispanic vowels, plastic bag bans and Pete Buttigieg. Worse, they allow, nay, encourage! students to commit activism, a direct result of thinking. Not the sort of thing we […]
The Florida book banners are back
By: Diane Roberts - March 20, 2019
Ignorance marches on in Florida, meeting with little or no resistance from your state legislature. They’re thinking of banning books again. A bill birthed in the febrile minds of an outfit called the Florida Citizens Alliance, HB855/SB1454 would allow parents to insist school districts protect innocent tykes from the knowledge that anthropogenic climate change is […]
Now in Washington, multimillionaire Rick Scott still out there hustling for more cold cash
By: Diane Roberts - February 20, 2019
No doubt you’ve been wondering whatever became of Rick Scott, the fellow who wrested the title of Worst Governor Ever from Sidney J. Catts soon after he was elected in 2010. Scott was last seen in Tallahassee shortly after the November midterms squealing like an outraged tapir when his lead over incumbent Florida senator Bill […]
Good luck with your plan to control Florida women, dude
By: Diane Roberts - January 28, 2019
Women are becoming CEOs, joining the military, voting, running for office, walking around like they’re as good as a dude! And some men just can’t take it, dang feminists busting their nads. Their response is to concoct ever more absurd ways to control women’s bodies. Florida Rep. Mike Hill of Pensacola has come up with […]
Thanks but no thanks, Rick Scott
By: Diane Roberts - January 14, 2019
On the same night Donald Trump got on national television to spew a pack of nonsense about the border “crisis,” Florida’s ultimate bottom-feeder, Rick Scott, threw a self-congratulatory “Sunshine Ball.” In Washington, D.C. In the middle of a government shut-down. Tickets, appropriately named after credit cards, ranged from $100,000 “Platinum,” down to “Bronze,” though for […]
Dumbing down Florida education
By: Diane Roberts - December 21, 2018
Florida Republicans have once again demonstrated their contempt for education by making former House Speaker Richard Corcoran Commissioner of Education. It’s not merely that he’s grossly unqualified, he’s hell bent on wrecking our public schools. Just as Donald Trump has no experience telling the truth, Corcoran has no experience in education – unlike former commissioner […]
The NRA’s waning reign?
By: Diane Roberts - November 26, 2018
You probably noticed that Florida recently held an election, complete with the usual bad ballots, recounts and lawsuits. You may not have noticed that a federal judge just slapped down the lamentable Marion Hammer, doyenne of the National Rifle Association, dismissing part of a lawsuit she filed against people who sent hateful, possibly threatening, messages […]